Devotion
by PriestessAmy
Summary: [Victorian England AU] Victoria Chase is the unmarried daughter of a wealthy family. Her love life has been relatively vacant until she crosses paths with a young novice nun, Sister Kate.
1. Genesis

Victoria Chase met the love of her life at church.

One of her few friends in the world, Nathan Prescott, was marrying Taylor Christensen, an old classmate of hers from finishing school. It was a fine affair of great mirth, even if the situation caused Victoria's mother to ask her more than a few times when she might find herself a man as charming as her childhood friend. But however badly this might have disagreed with her under different circumstances, today was different. Today, she had found her own personal answer to that question. And while she could never tell her mother, the important thing was that someone had taken her attention for the first time in ages.

The only problem being, she was a nun.

Or perhaps she was not a nun. Victoria knew little about how the Catholics operated. But she was dressed in a plain white robe with her head covered, surrounded by women in habits. But her eyes were so deep and expressive and when they looked at one another they both smiled warmly and it was perhaps the nicest experience that she had ever gone through in her entire short life.

After throwing rice on newlyweds and bidding Lord Prescott and his lady-love farewell, everyone went their separate ways. Victoria, unable to help herself, decided to at least dip her toe in the water for a moment. She found the nun girl (or whatever it was that she was supposed to call her), giving her a gentle tap on the shoulder. "Excuse me, I'm so terribly sorry if I'm being offensive but... are you a nun?"

The girl turned, her vestments swirling around her in a way that caught Victoria's eye so nicely. She giggled – were nuns allowed to giggle? was that not blasphemy for some reason? Clutching her hands together in front of her, she smiled warmly and shook her head. "Technically, I am not. In order to become a nun, one must undergo a great deal of self-examination, training, and penitence."

Victoria gave her most polite laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. "So much work? Perhaps I've simply been reading too much sensationalist literature, not to mention all the Shakespearean plays, but I thought becoming a nun was a kind of punishment."

"Ah! Goodness no," she said, taking her own turn to laugh politely. "No I am... very much a voluntary novice. I-" Before the girl could resume telling her anything, she was called on by one of her elders. "Well, so much for that conversation. Please, if you should happen to find yourself with a moment to spare, I would not mind receiving a visitor at the mission. Um, I am Sister Kate."

The two shared a brief curtsy. "Charmed. My name is Victoria Chase." Kate's eyes widened upon hearing that surname, but she was already behind and had to rush to catch up with her elders. Victoria allowed herself a private little laugh as she strolled away back toward her home. "Hmm... Sister Kate..."

* * *

The town of Arcadia was a modest little seaside destination in Britain, far enough from the center of industry to still be in possession of clear skies, though lacking in all the fantastic amenities Victoria had been spoiled by when she lived in London. So it was that book-reading was often the only entertainment one could depend on when their father wouldn't allow them to work and their mother only wanted them to marry. The thought of visiting a convent should probably have felt like uncharacteristic desperation. But the knowledge that there was a fascinating girl her own age – another thing in short supply these days – was enough of an excuse.

Approaching the heavy wooden doors, she gave a few rapid knocks, then stood back and waited for someone to open them. Eventually she was greeted by a nun in her mid-50s. The age showed on her face more plainly than it did on, for example, her mother. Yet she also seemed much... lighter, if such a term could apply literally, in that she was filled with a kind of glow. "Well hello there, young lady, what can I do for you?"

Victoria suddenly felt like something of a fool. Even if Kate had told her to come visit, surely that was mere politeness. What if she were in the middle of prayers or something important? Not that Victoria considered prayer important, necessarily, but surely these people did. "I was having a conversation with Sister Kate at my friend Nathan's wedding the other day? I had hoped I might come see her since we never got to properly conclude it."

"Ah, then that would make you Miss Victoria. She mentioned that you may be coming by someday. I must admit, when I was told a Chase would be visiting us, I had hoped it might be your father, come to make a donation."

Her father was a notorious penny-pincher, and the idea of him ever giving away his money was laughable. But somehow, she managed to keep herself from offending the nun actually laughing at her suggestion. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Sister. I'm afraid that would be the biggest miracle of all."

The nun showed her through the mission to the back of the mission where the sisters kept a rather impressive garden. Several of them were outside, working in the hot sun but still wearing their heavy religious garbs. Victoria finally spied Kate, who was also sporting a simple hat to help protect herself. "Sister Kate~! You have a visitor."

"Oh! Thank you Sister Joyce!" She stood up and wiped the sweat from her forehead, cheerfully waving to her. For just a moment, Victoria was filled with an intense sense of joy and her chest somehow felt tight and free at the same time.

Victoria approached the other girl with oddly tentative steps. She was so used to gliding about everywhere she went as though she belonged there. But here, she felt like an intruder on holy ground, only allowed to tread because of this curious angel. "Are you trapped here in your manual labor? Or am I allowed to kidnap you for a time? I thought we might go for a walk and continue our conversation."

Kate giggled once more, and it yet again shattered any preconceived notions she had that religious types were boring or lacking in humor. "Normally it would be frowned upon. But given what I know about your family, I should think I can consider this a ministry for me." She led the way back around the front of the mission and down into the town proper. A marvelous breeze was coming in off the water and the girls decided to explore down near the docks.

"So... You were telling me that you joined voluntarily? I have to admit, I'm fascinated to hear more."

"My parents always believed in the biblical mandate to 'grow fruitful and multiply'. So despite making a less than modest salary, they had me and then two more girls after. While we were able to survive with help from the church, I always felt like it was my duty to find some way to make their lives easier. I love God, and joining the sisterhood meant one less mouth for my family to feed. It was an obvious choice, and I do feel very at-home in the mission." Victoria felt as though Kate's story was somehow... lacking. Were nuns allowed to lie by way of omission? Regardless, she hardly knew her enough to push the subject. So she just allowed herself to believe in that story unless or until it changed.

It also dawned on Victoria that this was perhaps the first time she had really struck up any sort of friendship with a poor person. Granted, Kate was with the church now, making her both more and less poor than she had been with her own family. But none of that mattered, because worrying about someone's financial state was the kind of thing her parents did, had tried to instill in her, and had failed.

"Why were you and the other sisters gardening? I can't say I ever imagined something like that before today."

Kate just smiled patiently, apparently not frustrated by her probing questions. "As a mission rather than a convent, we exist next to and even within society. It would be very easy for us to use the money we collect to buy our own food and supplies. But our vows of poverty include being as self-sufficient and clever with our funds as possible. Sister Joyce, whom you met before, is the one who does a majority of the cooking. She can make a great deal with a small amount."

Victoria fiddled with her hands a little as they continued past a group of fishermen. "For all the things I know, I feel so very ignorant of the affairs of the church. I had always assumed money was funneled back into paying the pastor and repairing the building. I guess I always assumed the worst..."

If Kate was offended, Victoria couldn't tell. "Well, given that rather nasty business with Indulgences and Martin Luther and Henry VIII and... Yes, we can't always be counted on to do the right thing. Which I suppose is why I like the mission so much. Much of our work is focused on helping the poor and feeding the hungry, those things which the Bible tells us we ought to do above all else."

"Lord help me, Sister Kate, you almost make me want to go to church."

Kate laughed again and quickly crossed herself, then lifted her crucifix and kissed it. "It would be an honor to see you around once in a while. Though you may want to be careful about taking the Lord's name in vain."

* * *

They continued their walk down and back up through the town until the mission was within view, always talking rather brightly and full of laughter, despite their differences. It sounded as though Kate lived a very busy life indeed. And while she wanted to continue interacting with her further, she knew she had to let her go. Besides, some of those other nuns looked quite sharp, and Victoria had a degree of paranoia at all times that someone would inevitably see through her ruse of normality, and view the real Victoria beneath it all. So she would say farewell to save face. "Well, I won't keep you any longer. There is God's work to be done, eh?"

"Well..." Kate began, pausing to idly fidget with the skirts of her rob and play with her crucifix. "It's true that if I slack off any further today I will have some very grumpy nuns staring me down. But if you should ever find yourself in need of company again, or would like more reasons to come to a service, I would be happy to see you again." She tugged at the brim of her hat, and Victoria had difficulty telling if she was seeing a blush or merely the effect of exposure to sunlight.

Her heart felt oddly tight knowing that she had to say goodbye. Even if they would no doubt interact before long, she had so enjoyed her afternoon that she didn't want it to end. Instead, she just curtsied to Kate with a bright smile. "Far be it from me to deny a lady of the cloth such a humble request. I live a quiet life with my parents until someone actually manages to trick me into marrying them, so finding free time is not an issue."

"Until next time, Miss Chase." Kate gave a bow before Victoria could remind her that using her first name was preferable. As she walked back to her home, she became lost in her head as she tried to decide whether this day had been a success or not. It certainly felt like one, but fancying a woman who was already engaged to God was several sins combined into one. And yet she just felt so filled with joy.

Admittedly, popular theory held that diving off a cliff could also fill one with joy, just before the abrupt landing.


	2. Acts

Despite her numerous worries about leading a poor lamb astray and infecting Kate with her sinful ways, Victoria continued to spend time with her again and again. Initially their walks and conversations were light and mostly filled with laughter and idle chatter. It was merely two women enjoying each other's company in light of the fact that most everyone else their age was otherwise occupied or long-since gone.

But over time, Victoria's nature began to shine through more, and she would engage Kate in rigorous debate about the Bible and faith. Sometimes she would poke and prod at contradictions or the strangeness of various customs. On this particular day, she found herself taking great pains to try and point out every single scientific inaccuracy in the Bible that she could think of. Kate was doing her best to just smile warmly and let Victoria have her say.

"And! Have you heard? This scientist popularizing a theory about the evolution of species? Yet we are supposed to believe that the earth is somehow only a few thousand years old, created in six days. I am simply..." Victoria huffed, knowing full well that she was effectively berating the beliefs that her friend held dear. But sometimes her brain became obsessed with the idea of being _right_. "I simply don't understand the concept of prescribing to a book or a system that ignores facts sitting out in plain sight!"

Their walk had been quite a lengthy one that day and it had carried them out into the hills surrounding Arcadia. Yet still Kate looked nervously around herself as though someone might appear at any moment to accuse them both of heresy. Only when she was satisfied that no one was listening in did her face grow a touch dim. "Victoria, I would like to share something with you. But I would ask that you not tell anyone about this conversation."

Not wishing to let the seriousness be a dangerous tide that would carry them away, Victoria giggled softly. "Who would I tell, Kate? Please, say whatever is on your heart."

"Thank you." Her face softened again, her lips spreading back into a smile. She quite liked that smile. "I... believe in many things... I believe that humans can do things for both good and ill. I believe that prayer can work, but only so far as it can give us a feeling of love and support. I believe this world is amazing and sometimes incomprehensible. But when it comes to some of the things that I'm _supposed_ to believe? The creeds and the Rosary and the prayers? Sometimes those elude me and I have to fumble my way through them. So I do my best to relax and focus on the beauty and mystery of it all."

Even when Victoria found herself in disagreement with Kate, or unable to completely understand her, she found that she thoroughly enjoyed listening to her talk. She wasn't even really capable of formulating a proper response, so she instead offered a humble "hmmm..." to try and fill the space.

Perhaps she sensed that this wasn't the easiest topic to jump in on, because Kate continued, "my mother is actually very staunchly evangelical, firmly rooted in the Church of England. Needless to say I think she would be a bit disappointed that I ended up with the _Catholics_." Victoria could guess by the way she mockingly said 'Catholics' that there was some tension in the girl's family that hadn't yet been explained thoroughly.

"What would she possibly have to be disappointed about? You gave up your life to make theirs easier, and dedicated it to God instead! Even if you follow different methods, it's all to the same end."

For a moment, Kate's face fell a little more but she passed off any possible emotional responses in favor of a half-hearted shrug. "Decades, if not centuries, of religious conflict and turmoil? Those kinds of things matter little to me. If I'm helping people, what does it matter if my mother thinks I-" She stopped herself, brow knitting together slightly. "Well, no need to burden you. We should get back."

/

Victoria was not certain how it was she had arrived here. More days than usual passed between her last interaction with Kate and this one. Finally the girl sought her out with a proposition. Rather than going for a walk or spending an hour talking, Kate finally managed to convince her to stay around for a service.

Rather than mass, which was held in the main church building, the sisters participated in services at certain hours each day inside a chapel within the mission. Not so long ago, Victoria would never have considered the offer in the first place. But to hear the way Kate described her faith earlier that day, it actually began to sound like the kind of religion Victoria could truly respect. And this particular service, which Kate called 'Compline,' was of particular interest - a night-time event of silence and contemplation. She knew she could use a good deal more quiet thought in her life. More than anything, Victoria assured herself that she had nothing to worry about. It was just a short religious ceremony and then her life could go along as normal.

She had not counted on finding God.

This was not some Romantic situation where her feelings toward young Sister Kate had caused her to suddenly believe in religion. Even as it happened to her, Victoria might not have called herself a religious person.

The small chapel was populated by the various nuns and a few members of the Arcadia community. It was lit by gentle candlelight, and everything was done in chanting and _sotto voce_ speech. Add to that the thick cloud of incense and it put Victoria in a psychological space she might never have achieved otherwise. It was the kind of space where she was free to admit that sometimes there were things in the world that went beyond explanation and touched the soul.

Yes, she still loved rationalism and science. She still intended to constantly question everything until all those around her were sick of it. But something ineffable about space and time were altered just enough in that moment in a way she might never know how to put words to. The confusion and absurdity of it all were overwhelming, and for a time all Victoria could do was sit there in complete silence and listen. She wasn't aware of the fact that she was crying softly until a teardrop landed on the back of her hand.

Thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed – though she wasn't sure why – Victoria left the room and stepped a short ways down the hall. She was equally uncertain where she was going, but she wanted to get away from the other humans who might judge her for the out-flowing of unwanted emotion. The sound of the door moving again caught her ear and she looked up to see Kate approaching her with hurried steps. "My goodness, I'm so sorry! Was this too much? Please, come with me." She didn't really have time to respond before Kate took her hand and whisked her away to a small room fitted with only the bare essentials. "This is my cell. I know it's not much, but it will hopefully be a better place for you to catch your breath."

She was sat down on the edge of the bed, giving her a chance to notice just how pathetic the mattress was. Kate passed her a bit of cloth to use as a handkerchief. She dabbed at her eyes and resisted the urge to also blow her nose. It seemed somehow improper. "You shouldn't blame yourself, Kate. This is not what you think. I was merely... overwhelmed by a strange feeling..."

Kate sat down next to her, taking back the makeshift handkerchief when it was offered. "Would it be accurate to say that your heart was 'strangely warmed' perhaps?"

Victoria's eyes widened a little. "Ah. Yes, I suppose that would fit."

"There was a man many years ago who had a very similar experience. He accidentally began an entire denomination. You might wish to be careful, Victoria. Or you could be the next great heretic." She laughed gently, and that laughter helped to ease the nervousness that threatened to eat away at her. Soon Victoria was laughing as well.

"I think I might make a terrible religious leader. I would go about telling my followers to do dangerous things like helping the poor and thinking for themselves."

/

True to form, Victoria's conversion did not lead to some kind of immense, immediate change in her life. She continued to read everything she could get her hands on. She asked question after question about everything. She still wanted more than anything to be like her father and do some real, honest-to-goodness trade work. She remained frustratingly plagued by thoughts of the quiet novice in the plain robes. But she went about these things with a little more lightness in her step.

At the moment, Victoria was enjoying an old, favorite novel by reading it outside in the shade of a gorgeous tree. The sound of a clearing throat drew her attention, and she looked up to see Kate standing there. "Oh, hello!" She felt that familiar little tremor of joy for a few glimmering moments until she realized that Kate didn't present the usual bearings of friendship. Whatever reason had brought her over was not necessarily a pleasant one. "Ermh... How can I help you?"

A few seconds of heavy silence passed as her friend appeared to search for her words. "I believe it would be best for both of us if we spent less time together."

"What?" Victoria slammed her book shut and clambered awkwardly up to her feet, laughing nervously. "My dear, I'm glad you've found your humor, but I might have a comment or two about your joke structure."

Kate backstepped slightly, putting up her hands, unable to look anywhere in her direction. "This is no joke, Victoria. There are... things about me that would drastically alter our friendship if you knew. Things I have been trying to escape. Things that are rising to the surface once again, the more that I know you. I cannot simply antagonize you because even our arguments affect me!" Victoria heard the faintest sound of a whimper that Kate hadn't quite succeeded in suppressing. "So I must sever all our connections, for your sake. Please, understand that I do this because I care for you."

Victoria's laughter turned somewhat more sour now. "On the one hand, I appreciate your candor, not to mention how difficult this must be for you – whatever it is. On the other hand, I'm frankly offended that you think I need saving from anything. We're the same age, if I recall correctly. And I am far from some delicate china doll. So please, if there is something you feel you ought to keep from me: don't."

She expected to see Kate soften, like she normally did. But surprisingly, her ire rose and her hands clenched. "I bear a black mark on my forehead, Victoria. And it's very easy for that mark to transfer over when you're not careful. It's simple to say these things, but will you still want to be my friend when everyone labels _you_ as a sapphist too?"

Victoria's heart stopped beating. "...did my mother put you up to this?"

"...what do you mean?" Blissfully, some of the fury drained away from Kate's face. "I've never met your mother. From what you've told me, that is a blessing."

Victoria sighed softly and resumed sitting under the tree, patting the grass next to her with the most encouraging smile she could conjure. "Perhaps we _should_ talk after all."


	3. Revelation

"You know of Sister Joyce? I believe you've met her a few times?"

Victoria nodded her head slowly. This was still a very difficult conversation to accept. She and Kate had far more in common than they ever imagined, but their shared reality was a dangerous one. She wanted to be excited – the eagerness tugged at her heart like a frantic child. But she had spent her life being cautious of every step she took and every word she spoke. Now was not the time to change that. "Yes, but what does she have to do with this?"

"No one is born into the monastic life. Before she joined the mission, Joyce worked for a tavern in the poor part of town. She had a husband and a daughter. David died during that cholera outbreak. I spent quite a portion of my time with Chloe, though my mother often warned me she was no good. In a way, I suppose she was right." Kate was constantly fiddling with her rosary as she spoke, a nervous habit that Victoria had noticed the more time she spent with her. That behavior was on full display now. "She would often tell me of her friend Maxine, whose family had left for London years before the two of us met. It was hearing her talk about Maxine when I first realized that the two of us were much more alike than I initially thought."

Again, this might have been a relief to hear if it weren't for the low tone in Kate's voice, or the way her eyes shimmered as she spoke. Victoria wanted to comfort her, even if it was only to take her hand for some measure of stability. But she also knew that such a gesture would be unwise.

"I think perhaps she saw me as a replacement for her lost love. And I was content to play the part. Whether it was the thrill or the fear or just the curiosity, I am never certain. Whenever possible, we would steal away for five minutes or an hour and... Ah, well. It would not be polite to discuss the particulars."

 _Please!_ cried out Victoria's mind. _Discuss them! I must hear the words! I must know your heart!_ But again, that was the kind of foolish desire that lead to pain, so she remained silent.

"Her father died, and I suppose something within her mind changed. The realization that life is unpredictable and short, I would imagine. So she left for London in search of her true love, leaving me behind with only a note explaining her reasoning. Joyce had now lost her husband and her daughter, so she left her old life and turned to the sisterhood. My mother found me weeping over the note. And I, ever the fool, told her the whole sordid tale. Instead of the warmth and comfort I expected to find, I was instead given an ultimatum – to repent of my sinfulness or be cast out. I chose the romantic option, steadfast in my belief that I was what God had made me. So I had a new crossroad before me, whoredom or sisterhood. If I had to pick a life on my knees, the one bathed in warmth and safety sounded like the better option. And to my delight, Joyce accepted me as something of an unofficial daughter, even if I was just as sinful as her real daughter."

Victoria felt a bottomless pit of rage bubble up within her. She understood her own mother's awful thought process, and to some degree she had internalized it. But how could the woman that raised a girl as wonderful as Kate have such terrible beliefs of her own? Yet it was not her place to judge, at least not out loud.

"So. What is this about your mother?"

Victoria snapped out of her vicarious anger as she tried to reorient herself to her own tale. "Yes. Ah, so... When I was young, it was quite common for me to spend my time with my father in his study, or even occasionally at his office. It turned out I had quite the knack for learning business. But my mother wasn't terribly happy with that and had me shipped off to Blackwell finishing school. It was a fine experience, but the thing about sending your tom daughter off to an all-girls boarding school is that she finds several uncouth ways to entertain herself." Both girls were blushing rather severely by this point, each bearing a telltale nervous smile. "However, now she gets her revenge, as each one of my friends who finds herself a husband provides additional ammunition in her warfare against my romantic life. I'm sure you noticed my somewhat sour face at the wedding. So trust me, I bear a black mark of my own. You have nothing to fear remaining my friend."

She had hoped that would be enough to satisfy Kate, but the other girl still looked unconvinced. "That is a relief, Victoria. But I'm still a novice sister in a mission. I could never take my vows in good faith so long as I remain mired in my sin."

"Mired-? Kate! That is the most odious pile of refuse I have ever been subjected to! I have not, in my life, met a single person more holy or fit for service to God than you. You don't bear your faith like a weapon, you clothe yourself in it like a mantle. You... You wish only to do good in a world filled with people who would never think twice about harming another for personal gain. What is your sin, when you truly think about it? To love another? I... I refuse to believe that you could ever end up in Hell for that."

"But... the Bible-" she began to say, albeit weakly.

Victoria didn't give her the chance. "The Bible says a great many things, Kate! Things you know by heart – literally, I'm sure you have the most important verses written on your soul, you know them so intimately. A girl like you could be Mother Superior some day. So please, do not let this weigh you down into self-hatred. You are... an angel."

She was certain that would work, and she looked to her friend longingly, as though she could will her to do... something. But it was not to be. Kate stood up and brushed herself off. "I have to return to the mission. I'm sorry." She spoke somewhat frantically, and left in a hurry.

When it was clear Kate was not going to change her mind and return, Victoria made an attempt to resume reading, but her heart was no longer in it. She closed the book with a heavy sigh. "Damn..."

* * *

Weeks passed without interaction. Victoria continued to attend services at the mission and the church, especially Compline, and Kate was often seated along with the other women. She did not make eye contact. She did not smile at her. It was heartrending, but both were also sincere in their dedication to building their faith, even as their hearts were torn back down by the disagreeable separation.

Eventually, filling her time with books became insufferable and Victoria longed for something more productive. In something resembling a miracle, her father relented and once again allowed her to visit him while he was working. With each passing day, he became more accepting of her sharp mind and open to her suggestions. Even as her mother remained disagreeable and continued to berate her, warning her of a 'spinster future,' she carried on learning under her father's guidance.

Eventually, she was even given a job, though it came with a number of caveats. Her father was just as worried about impressions as her mother, and he insisted that she keep her hair short and pose as 'Victor' while in the office. She would be payed a tiny sum under the table. Even with these rules, she was more than happy to oblige his foolishness. Keeping herself busy and productive was a wonderful way to distract from other aspects of her life.

It was three months after their argument that the dam began to break. Their stalemate could never truly last, of course. One could only withstand so many awkward moments before something had to be said. It began simply, with Kate offering her a genuine smile as they passed. A few days later, she gave her a verbal greeting, even if it was only a curt but gentle "Good evening, Victoria."

A week later and Victoria was hesitantly explaining her shorn locks and new job with her father's company. Kate showed momentary excitement, but was quick to push that back down.

At the four month mark, they had resumed meeting occasionally to share stories like they used to. And now they had the added benefit of a mutual secret. While it never came up, out of sheer politeness, something about it made them feel closer than ever. Victoria was feeling positive and confident. Which put her in the optimal state to be knocked off her feet by a proposition from her father.

* * *

"...to London?" Victoria had hoped that bringing this news to her friend immediately would grant a measure of excitement. A smile or perhaps a chaste hug. But Kate appeared... disturbed.

"He's built a new branch in the city, and he wants me there as his emissary. I will be acting in a professional capacity! I'll be a businesswoman, on a frontier for our entire gender."

Kate was crestfallen, which was not at all the desired result. "I don't know what it is you expect from me, Victoria."

She bristled slightly, worried that they would have another confrontation, so soon after reuniting. With the knowledge that she could soon be gone, it was even more important that she depart Arcadia on good terms with her friend. "I... I would like you to tell me that you're happy for me."

"Victoria~" The way Kate said her name momentarily caused her brain to melt, even if it was as pitying as it was warm. "Of course I am happy for you. You are so brave, and smart, and I know you're going to do amazing things. But it would be a lie to deny the fact that I'm also sad to think of you leaving m- leaving Arcadia." The slip was quick, but obvious.

So she reached out and took Kate's hands in her own. She could never act on the things in her heart, but she hoped she could at least psychically express them in a way that Kate might comprehend. "I understand. Obviously, I understand. But you have a home here with your sisters, doing all the good works you can, changing lives and healing souls. And London is not so far. I will write you as often as I can, and if I should find success, I can send funds to your mission. Perhaps I might even find time to come back and visit." There were beginning to weep softly now, and Victoria reached up to wipe a few from the corners of Kate's eyes.

"We ought to return to the mission. Perhaps Joyce could put you in contact with Chloe. I'm sure you'll appreciate having friends when you arrive in London." Kate's idea might have been a clever one, but it didn't change the heavy weight on both their shoulders.


	4. Hebrews

Dear Kate,

I am fitting in well here with Chloe and her compatriots. Despite the time I spent in London at Blackwell finishing school, the city is an entirely different beast now. We squat in an abandoned boarding house with a bizarre cast of characters, and my status as a woman of business makes me an oddity among oddities.

I suppose I didn't understand how you could have grown so close to Chloe until I met her. She is what I might describe as obnoxiously magnetic. She has a boundless enthusiasm for life, and a limitless tolerance for drink. Despite the obvious danger to her life, she insists on applying tattoos to the skin of any who might want them – in other words, criminals and sailors, mainly. But she gets along well with them all, and I cannot be certain if that says more about her or about them.

Tell Joyce I'm keeping a close eye on her.

Max – never Maxine, according to several lectures I have received on the subject – is a classic troubadour, and something of a renaissance woman. She goes about from place to place, serenading passers-by with her weathered old guitar. She covers all available blank surfaces in sketches as though she were possessed by the spirit of Da Vinci himself. And while she might never be able to afford the necessary technology, she remains fascinated by the photographic technique. The novelty of preserving reality is fascinating, of course, but I fail to see her assertion that it might ever be a form of art.

They have welcomed me into their home with open arms, based solely on your approval. I tell you this so you understand the strange effect you have on others, rather than simply seeing it play out on me again and again.

Once I get to know the other residents better, I will be certain to tell you of them. I wouldn't want to take up all your time, so I'll end my message here for now. London is invigorating and my flatmates are a joy, but I miss Arcadia already.

Fondest regards,

 _Victoria Chase_

* * *

My Dear Victoria,

You've told me some very interesting stories over the last few weeks, and I am ashamed to admit that there is little I can do to ever compare. Monastic life is, by its very definition, ordered. Special hours, special season, special days, we follow a pattern across the year. Your letters break up the monotony, and for that I am infinitely grateful.

Honestly, I am not so surprised that Chloe has decided to use her artistic talents to permanently mark the skin of others. That is incredibly true to her character. Joyce is less enthusiastic, but understands that she can do little to control her daughter anymore. Which means that now she is all the more invested in my life instead. We talk often, especially while we work in the garden, or when I help her in the kitchen. And mostly, that is a wonderful experience, considering how distant my own mother was.

But there are things I cannot even discuss with Sister Joyce. The stories you tell me about Max and Chloe. The sense of freedom that permeates every drop of ink you mark. The thought I have, somewhere in the recesses of my mind, that I still have time to choose another life before it is time to take my vows.

But then I also remember that we're nearly into the Advent season, and Christmas. Shortly after, Epiphany. Lent is always just around the corner. And I can see my life stretching off into the distance – ordered prayer, ordered hours, ordered seasons. It is exciting and comforting, but also cloying and confining. I am safe here, warm and loved and accepted (well, very nearly accepted). But I know there are other places I can be accepted completely, even if they are more terrifying and filled with pitfalls.

For all that I believe, I know little. But I know that I miss you.

Grace and peace and love be upon you,

 _Kate_

* * *

My Dearest Katie,

The boarding house is now officially ours, and we are no longer squatters. The London branch of the Chase Trading Co. has been doing extremely well. We've agreed to christen our home 'the Arcadian' in honor of where so many of us come from. In a sense, this has become a kind of family. Not to say that Chloe and Max have become my surrogate parents; if anything, I am like unto a den mother for all these scattered wanderers. I have the steadiest work with which to get us furnishings and food and such.

There are other boarders too, of course. Max brought around a curious young man I've taken to calling the Alchemist, though I think his real name is Warren. There are strange smells and sounds constantly emerging from his room. Supposedly he has some rather fascinating theories about the intersection between art and science. His long-suffering companion, the Engineer, is a frighteningly intelligent Indian girl. Every now and then the street outside is cluttered by a failed project from her. The two of them are perhaps the least social within the building, if only because much of their work requires quiet atmosphere and intense concentration.

We also have Courtney, a girl I once knew from Blackwell, who actually dropped out of the program. That is almost unheard of. But now I see that it was for the best, because she is flourishing as a rather eccentric designer of fashionable clothing. Finishing school is useful for girls who wish to find a husband and make themselves appealing. But it does have a way of crushing true artistic talent. Her clothes are fascinating, if occasionally impractical and downright mystifying.

There is Daniel, the Spaniard that is constantly coated in coal as if he were a chimney sweep, though in fact he is merely a masterful charcoal artist. His works convey a great deal of depth and meaning through only the use of shadows and contrast.

Supposedly we have a resident by the name of Rachel Amber. I have yet to meet her. She maintains beds in several locations and even in other cities, and she is always on the move. By Chloe's latest report, she is latched on to an opium merchant, Bowers. I am uncertain how to feel about this, but the entire point of this boarding house is to support any who might need it.

The attic space is occupied by Samuel, the only person under our roof to be over the age of thirty. He is also not an artist in any traditional sense. He works in the wealthier neighborhoods, cleaning homes. But he has an old soul and a young attitude. Samuel is... delighted by the world around him, right down to the vermin and bugs that infest the city. He could befriend a plague-rat. One almost wants to dislike Samuel when you first meet him, but it is a herculean task.

All this is to say that I feel very nearly whole here. I have a home and a family, one that does not bother to judge me or like me only for my business skills. But I must confess to a truth. Here my hand shakes as I write, yet I must continue.

There is a hollow at the center of it all, an empty space within me. And in the quiet hours of the night, I know that need would be quieted if I could but see you again and rest with you a while. You're going to do wonderful things and I want to support you through it every step of the way. But if I had my way, I would prefer you here.

I look forward to your next missive.

All my love,

 _Victoria_

* * *

Victoria,

Advent has arrived. It is an incredibly busy time in a church. While most congregants are focused on Christmas itself, during Advent we are encouraged to keep still and be patient. Like the Hebrew people of old, we know the Messiah is coming and we must prepare for his arrival.

I have been having trouble, though, with peace. I am never entirely at rest. The other sisters encourage me to recall our biblical mandate to 'be still and know that the Lord is God'. But that is, as you say, a herculean task.

I cannot wait for Christmas. I must act in the here and now.

Hallelujah,

 _Kate_

* * *

Victoria sat curled up before the roaring fire, looking the small letter over, again and again. It was Christmas eve and a few of them were gathered in the parlor since it was most definitely the warmest place in the house. Chloe and Max could see that she wasn't entirely in the seasonal spirit. "Oiii, Queenie, how much longer're you gonna be threatening the mood tonight with that scrap of paper?"

"I'm sorry, Chloe. I just somehow get the impression that there is some manner of hidden message contained within these words. Maybe some clue of what she wants from me, or an idea as to what she plans to do."

Max tugged the blanket around her shoulders and moved to sit closer on the hardwood floor. Sometimes she chose strange places to sit. "Allow the lady a touch of melodrama, love! You know just as well as she does what kind of effect Kate has on a person. And it's worse because of the mystery. Christmas or not, Victoria can mope as she likes." The slightly infantilizing tone should have been insulting, but Max had a way of being so kind that you were incapable of holding it against her.

"Perhaps you're right, Max, but Chloe has a point as well. I'm probably making too much of a very simple message. She's feeling more certain about her place in life, and she's become too busy to even write me a p-proper l-l-letter..." Victoria had made an honest attempt at keeping her composure. But as the words were leaving her mouth and it finally dawned on her that she might never see Kate again, it was too much to bear. Tears spilled from her eyes, a warm shower of shame and embarrassment as the reality of everything finally crashed over her.

Max instantly moved up to sit next to her, wrapping the blanket around her shoulders and kissing her forehead. "There there, love." She rubbed a slow circle on her back, giving an almost aggravatingly understanding smile. "It'll hurt for a bit. And we'll be here to help you. A lass as pretty as you will find love again, easy as anything!"

"I don't _want_ a different love!" cried Victoria like a petulant child. "I... I want _her_ love! But... she belongs to the Lord, and I suppose that makes me a devil." There was a knock at the door drawing everyone's attention. "Carolers? In this neighborhood?"

Since Max was busy comforting her, Chloe stood and went to see who would come calling on the eve of Christmas. Victoria sniffled and wiped at her eyes while Max resumed stroking her back and shushing her before she had a proper mental breakdown. Out in the foyer they could hear the sound of the door opening, followed by a gasp from Chloe. "...Kate?"


	5. Ruth

Victoria was up to her feet and spinning to face the door, half expecting that Chloe was playing some sort of cruel trick on her. But no, there she stood. Against all sense, all odds, on the other side of the open doorway was Kate. She clutched the blanket tighter around her shoulders and felt the tears begin to fall anew. "...K-Kate..."

Hardly missing a beat, the other girl was through the door, past her old friend, around Max, and latching on to Victoria with a hug so tight she was certain to pull away with fractured ribs and damaged lungs. But that mattered little because this was Kate, her Kate, present and real. Also cold, quite cold. Victoria pulled away and realized why that must have been. The first and most obvious difference was her clothing. She no longer bore the religious garb of a monastic trainee. She was dressed like any person might be, if perhaps a bit shabbily, in a somewhat thin dress and overcoat.

"You're freezing. Come, we have a fire going..." She wrapped the blanket about Kate's shoulders and led her over to sit before the flames, never more than a foot away from her.

What struck her most powerfully was the realization that she was seeing Kate's head uncovered for the first time. She had hair like long flowing honey that weaved its way about her face in fluffy masses. Incapable of holding herself back, Victoria brought her hands up to run her fingers through the gorgeous locks as they settled before

She could vaguely hear the sound of Max and Chloe speaking once the door was properly shut. "Oi, knave. Exeunt."

"What? C'mon, fawn, I wanna see the resolution!"

"There is a _resolution_ waiting for you in the bedroom, but not for long if you don't pick up those feet and give the lovebirds some space."

Kate and Victoria shared a gentle laugh together at the other pair's antics, but slowly it died out in favor of a heavy silence. There were questions on Victoria's mind, though she was hesitant to speak them aloud. She was so busy searching for the right words that she nearly missed the fact that Kate was the one to speak instead. "You've been crying..."

"I was reading and re-reading your most recent letter. I had thought you were trying to gently explain to me that you decided it was time to take your vows. And if that were true, then it meant that... that you and I... We could never..." Even though nothing could be further from the truth, the emotion overwhelmed her anyway and she began to cry again.

Kate cooed empathetically and hugged her again, then began to wipe away her tears with the gentlest touch. "There now, Victoria, I'm here with you. No need to worry. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I finally realized that you are far too special for me to ever allow you out of my sight again."

The kindness of it all finally helped Victoria to center herself and she looked into the other girl's eyes with a tiny smile. "I know it's not the most perilous journey in the world, but how did you get here?"

"For one reason or another, Joyce has always been sympathetic to me. She knew that I was close with Chloe, she knew it was why I'd been forced to join the sisterhood, and she was smart enough to know how I felt about you before I knew it myself."

Victoria's smile grew a little more and she began to lean in closer to Kate, doing her best to look innocent. "And... how _do_ you feel about me?"

She had expected her companion to fumble over the answer to that question, to perhaps mumble or stutter out something resembling a response. But Kate was lightning quick and spoke without hesitation. "Is it not obvious? I love you, silly girl~" She took Victoria's hand and interwove their fingers together, staring into the fire with a happy little sigh. "So, she and a few of the more understanding sisters put together what small amount of resources they had to get me clothes and convince a local trader to ferry me."

Victoria looked over at her with a furrowed brow, reaching up to cup her cheek, looking into her eyes. "That was incredibly foolhardy and dangerous. Something terrible could have happened to you, and I might never have known. I... I-I love you too... I love you so much that sometimes it hurts. You are so kind and gentle and w-" Whatever other adjectives might have been on Victoria's mind were suddenly erased, along with perhaps a good fifty percent of her conscious brain. Because Kate had already cut to the quick and was leaning in, kissing her.

One might have expected that an almost-nun would be a very chaste kisser, but that was not the case here. Kate was clinging to her like a sailor lost in a storm clings to the mast, as though she might be blown away at any moment. She pressed into her for one long kiss, giving Victoria just enough time to comprehend how soft her lips were. Then just as suddenly, she launched into a flurry of faster kisses, followed up by a much slower and more exploratory one. In truth, if what Kate said about her time with Chloe was true, then she actually had more experience with this sort of thing than Victoria did! So she was willing to give her the lead.

For a time, they did little else. Across nearly six months they had courted one another without truly knowing it, and as far as Victoria was concerned, this was her reward for her patience and troubles. She heard no complaints from Kate.

* * *

Victoria had offered to make up a room for Kate, but she was resolute as ever. Kate was very skilled at being resolute. "I have spent more time than I care to admit denying myself the things I want. And... I want to sleep in the same bed as you. We might never be understood. We can't get married. Please don't deny me this."

The deep burn of Kate's cheeks was a delightful sight. And it made Victoria fall all the more in love with her. Seeing that blush placed a question into Victoria's head, and she idly picked at a loose thread in her dress as she searched for the right words. "Kate dear?"

"Yes, darling?" she said casually as she poked around the small room, having never really had the luxury of invading Victoria's personal living space before.

"There's something I wish to ask you. But I do not know how to do so without being rather tactless."

Kate turned to her with a beaming smile, bright as the sun. "Well, perhaps I shall just preemptively give you the benefit of the doubt. Then, a dearth of tact should be no problem."

Victoria hurriedly went back to fiddling with the loose threads of her clothing. Kate came over and sat down next to her, taking the anxious hand and holding it in a way that was infinitely comforting. Her skin was so warm. The kind attitude gave her the courage she needed. "Now that you've left the monastic life, for you personally, how do you feel about... well. Intimacy?"

Kate's thumb rubbed against her softly and she laughed once again – not mockingly by any means, but certainly amused. "You wonder if I am still celibate or chaste?"

Having it put into such plain language was a bit of a surprise for Victoria's sensibilities (even if she had been living with Max and Chloe for a while), and she couldn't stop the gasp that escaped in time. "Y-Yes, that's what I mean."

Kate nodded and curled in against Victoria's side more, nuzzling into her shoulder gently. "The thing about chastity is that... Well, the idea is that you are saving a sacred, special act for the person you marry, the person that God has chosen just for you. But here I am, a woman who loves other women, and it's unlikely I will ever be married. And... if I'm being honest, it very much feels like God sent _you_ to me, to show me that I'm not an abomination, to help me learn to love myself all the more. I could never regret sharing myself with you, Victoria."

There really could not have been a better response, considering the circumstances of their lives. Victoria pressed in closer to her and started to undo Kate's clothing with trembling hands. As her shoulders were bared, she pressed a kiss to her collarbone, eliciting an almost imperceptible moan from her companion. Grinning wickedly, she pushed up and placed another kiss to her neck. This time, the moan was very much perceptible.

With every touch, it became easier to press forward. They worked in tandem until all clothes were cast away and littering the floor. Neither of them were entirely certain what it was they were doing, of course. And for every count of something wonderful, there was another moment where they had to call a halt amidst embarrassed laughter. The sound of Kate's moans and whimpers were more meaningful than any Latin chant. The taste of her skin was as touched by God as the communion wine. Kate prayed the rosary along her skin, stopping at various landmarks to linger and say her thanks to God. All sense of time washed away and they were able to merely exist together. It was never loud or raucous (unlike certain other people in the house). It was slow, and sensual, and patient.

When they were finally spent, they lay there in Victoria's bed covered in a fine layer of perspiration despite the cold outside. Once Kate had caught her breath, she settled against Victoria's chest, idly tracing her fingertips against her stomach. " _Thou hast ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; thou hast ravished my heart with one of thine eyes, with one chain of thy neck._ "

"Hmm, well, if I had to make an educated guess, I would say that's biblical. But not any section of the Bible that I'm familiar with..."

She giggled softly and placed a long, slow kiss against her neck. "Song of Solomon. I will have to remember to read you more some time. It's an incredibly moving dialogue between two lovers. Our situations may be different, but the intimacy remains the same."

Before Victoria could craft anything intelligent to say, the grandfather clock out in the hallway sounded midnight. She ran her fingers affectionately through the other girl's hair, unsure if she would ever tire of the sensation she got when she did so. "Merry Christmas, my love~"


End file.
